11.11.01 - 6:28 am
its so stupid, being afraid. everything is so tiny compared to the rest of the universe. i wonder if anything i do will ever really matter. maybe that's why we have a God... maybe it's to make everyone feel like what they do will matter in the end, and to not just throw yourself from a building in the middle of a downtown rush hour. maybe i should leave my radio off and listen to the wind hit my hands, stretched out into the sky as if i'm asking for something more than just a cool touch from God. maybe i should kiss more. maybe i should make love to those who i wish, and read all i can. maybe i should eat less and excercise more. maybe i can't do all of those things. and what if that is what made me who i am, compared to all of you. what if love was just selfishness... containing someone you want forever. what if true love was the opposite. what if i'm completely insane, and drunk, and stupid all of the time? what if i'm living in a dream, and the visions i have during the nights, when i sweat, are my reality slipping farther and farther away from me. what if i'm wrong.
i have everyone at my fingers, and no one to share my life with... everyone is here, but no one has stepped up..... no one has taken that place beside me.. to completely tolerate, love, trust and finish me off as a masterpiece in this dirty fuckin depression pit of a world. then again... what if i'm wrong.
what if i missed her?
