11.16.01 - 5:16 am
i feel so gluttonous in everything i do: eating, drinking, smoking, sexual pleasure..... socializing.... i feel so full of everything that it almost takes away all the feeling. i think i've come up with an idea. i think i'm going to change things a bit. make myself... better.. or worse.. who knows. i just want a change in my life, to add to the feeling of indulging myself. because even when i have all i need times 30, i still have little satisfaction. it scares me that we can live this way. i want to lose weight, stop smoking, start eating right - start working out - starting studying religions and literature.......... so many ways i wish to change myself right now, and so little motivation. i feel it coming though, as though its something i must do.. in order to live. i want to live without this gluttony i have, this gluttony of life we all share.. most of all, in this country.... i want to change.
