05.17.03 - 2:27 pm
oh, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, what i meant to say was -- how would you like to suck my balls, mr. garrison?
so i've got issues. everyone does. we're all fucked in some way, but eventually you'll meet people who tell you "that's what makes you so different"... and then you'll end up turning those years of pain and anguish into some sort of art form -- probably throwing donkey shit onto canvas, using various speeds and degrees.
i am jack's complete lack of surprise.
my issues concern my father. it's an impossible feat, and really i wonder why i even bother attempting to rescue some sort of sane relationship out of what is now a mangled, beer smothered patriarchal social system. i've almost found, in all this soul searching, that it's really useless. he's a kid who was born in the 40's with no real parents, and no real backbone. and he's had no real sense of what is right and what is wrong. and really lacked anyone intelligent enough to teach him otherwise.. therefore, it's still 1956 and he's still 8 years old, and he's still the same way he will always be forever and forever more. a drunk kid with only talked up shadows of virtue, that don't stand a fleeing chance in the day.
so now he's stealing money from my older brother again. and i have a few choices here. i can empower my brother (because he actually takes the time to ask my advice on the subject. if it were i, his ass would be in cell-block two, making love to tom by now) i almost feel really bad for the man. i look down more and more on my father every day, and i almost wish he were as good as his kids were. we had to have gotten these genes from somewhere? right? maybe my brother and i grew up on the examples of one another... besides the point, i voted to take some action this time.. even though my brother is being very apprehensive about it.. just as he always is, simply because my mother thinks we should try to stick together as a family. (namely because we're all she's got) so the thought of us breaking up would just tear her apart, and she's too weak to handle anything like that. sigh. SIGH!
so he probably won't do much... and i probably won't say much. and nothing will really be accomplished... or will it?
i am jack's smirking revenge.
