01.14.02 - 11:41 pm
my new word, poo.. describes a lot of things going on in my life right now. i'm completely poo'd out, which translates into, i'm very tired. i want to sleep more, but can't, i want to make times for naps, but don't, i want more sleep.. basically, it won't happen. fuck it. why can't i ever seem to get this thing together with her. i've tried everything.. i really guess i should seek professional help on this. i figured if someone loved me enough, and i loved them enough, we'd get together, right? Not at all, actually. IN THE REAL WORLD, people wait. People draw things out, people hurt one another with useless comments and randomly stupid situations. People don't just let go of all the bullshit and fall in love, people make it into a strategy and into some sort of plan. It's a war. I fight it, without even wanting to, and it's my apathy that always ends up being my undoing. You want to know why? Because I THINK, FUCK IT! Man? YOU KNOW!? If your'e in love, get together, FUCK all the bs.. and stop being children.. and this is why I LOSE! It's insane... I care.. I love, I feel... I cry and hurt, and dream and want all like you and everyone else... but I lose, because I'm okay with losing. Because I won't beg for something I don't think I should have to. Because I'm used to fooling myself. I think if I wait around, it'll get better... when in fact, the only positive results have ended in me turning away from her. I just dont' get it.. someone ... hey, you.. .... yeah you, I elect you to RE-WRITE THE FUCKING BOOK ON RELATIONSHIPS! It's fucked up. Goodnight.
