10.27.01 - 11:43 pm
My grandfather passed away last night at 8:28pm, over at the hospice center inside of Saint Joe Hospital. I'm really going to miss him, he was a wonderful man and the best father/grandfather. I've cried more in the past day or so than I ever have in my entire life -- but recently I've come to terms with his death. I haven't been much of a religious person, but I do believe in miracles. When they told me how he died, I was.. amazed. He had mentioned a few days before that he had to get ready to go. He told my grandmother he had visits from his parents telling him it was okay to come home, and that he shouldn't be afraid. They thought he was kinda dellusional... I think he really saw them. My grandfather was the most down to earth and realistic person, he'd never lie about things like that. So I know in my heart he did see who he had mentioned. The last few hours of his life, he was telling everyone he was ready to go. We didn't know what he was talking about, and the hospice people told us it was typical for a person to seperate themselves from everyone else when they realize they're dieing. He spent 5 hours at the hospital before he finally let go of life. My family had all shown up, there were about 20 of us there at the time. He woke up and looked around at everyone, he didn't seem drugged or glassy-eyed as he had the past few months. He just sat up and took a really good look at everyone. He laid back down on his pillow and stopped breathing. He stared at his wife, my grandmother for a few moments, and in one last gasp, he turned to my mother and looked her completely in the eyes. He never took another breath, but he did edge a large and comforting smile across his face. My mother was confused as to whether she should have laughed out in joy (because of the overwhelming feeling of joy she recieved as he stared at her) or to break down completely in tears. Eventually, she chose the tears. When they had finally told me of his death, and of everything "strange" that had been occuring in the past weeks.. I felt something I don't think I've ever felt. A little faith. In something, may it be miracles or god.. I felt something. I told my mother that it was his gift for being such a wonderful person, to die peacefully -- in no pain -- in no confusion -- and with his entire family, at least the ones who've always loved him. My mother felt his energy pass through him -- his way of letting her know that she should be happy for him, and not afraid, and that everything was going to be okay. I realized it was okay to cry, but it was okay that he was gone. He had lived his life, and had us here with him when he was ready to move on. He was never alone, and he will never be. As we won't either, with him looking over us. I love you pa pa. Goodnight, and bless you.
