04.20.04 - 3:53 pm
here i am, the faithful diaryland dork, putting an entry on this thing at work, trying not to get caught doing it. the whole situation is humorous, which is why i think i'm doing it to begin with.
well.. so much on my mind, clogging up my vision. i don't know what to do.
i've got this new job. thankfully it's a real job. 9-5'er, ya know. benefits. entrapment. i'm stuck here in lexington for a while. probably a few months longer than my scheduled departure date of july 29th. depending on how much i can save, but right now, it's not looking like i can save a lot. maybe i should pull one of those "send me to full sail" deals. where people can donate 25 cents to help me out. haha. might work. worked for one dude.
i'm starting to feel a little detached from my ex-girlfriend. yes, i said ex girlfriend. no mistype. i'm single. mostly. there's no good explanation, and well, i'm not going to explain it. why? cause fuck it, that's why.
when i say a little detached, i mean we still hang out, but i find myself putting my intentions above her as a priority, which really is the sane thing to do, because she has been following her own gut for the past 3-4 months, and i have been following along with her. so it's good to think for myself for a change.
i've gotten a lot of crap from my circle of friends about it, but all in all, everyone seems to be accepting of what's going on... which wouldn't really matter a shit-brick to me anyway, but it's good to have friendly support in a personal decision.
i just feel like it's time i relaxed and take things as they go. mainly, let her go whichever way she wants to go, because i've been fighting the current for a while, and i just didn't stop to realize i could stop.
so my life is rudiment, and i think too much of death - but that's likely, because it seems to be the way most of us really live. hand-in-hand with death, either in mind or action.
so we'll see what happens.
